My name is Avarice. I was born greedy, my daddy said. Took my momma’s life when I came out. My name was my momma’s dyin’ wish after she gave birth to me. My daddy said, years ago, that she’d probably heard it somewhere and didn’t know that it meant greed. I must say, over the years it’s become fittin’. Everyone says I’m the greediest person they’ve ever met.
How can I not be greedy? Greed defines my life.
Greed defines everyone’s life.
Sometimes I’ll laugh in people’s faces when they say that I’m nothin’ but a greedy, miserly old woman. They judge me, but they don’t see how greedy they themselves have been. I’ve lived long on this lousy earth, and I know for a fact that greed don’t just control my life, it controls everyone’s life.
I’ve seen people ruinin’ other people’s lives, eliminatin’ other people’s lives, just for greed. And I’ve seen –
Put down those cookies. They’re mine.
Now, where was I… I know what you’re thinkin’. You’re thinkin’ that some people ain’t quite so bad. I’ve heard you say those Christian do-gooders ain’t greedy. Listen here, I’ve seen Christians doin’ their greedy things right along with the rest of us. I’ve even seen some murder people. There are a few good ones; they’re the ones I admire. Resistin’ greed is one of the toughest things out there, hon. But mostly, they pretend they’re all high and mighty, actin’ better than the rest of us, even though they ain’t. They’re doin’ the same things we are, bein’ greedy for more just like we are.
Greed can make even the best of people evil. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. You may be thinkin’ of a greedy person you know, and let me tell you you’re just as bad as that person. Greed can make even a perfectly innocent person like myself and turn them into someone like Fred in the room next door. He stole my green beans at lunch. Greed leads to worse sins. Somethin’ I remember from the one time I went to church – a mighty long time ago, let me tell you – was something about how if you broke one commandment, you was breakin’ them all. Let me tell you, greed can sure do that.
Wait, you’re leavin’ so soon? Ah, yes, I’m sure you have much better things to do than visit grumpy old ladies like me that are stuck in a nursin’ home… what? No, you can’t have a cookie! Get out of here you greedy little…
Well, that got rid of him quick.